Asda Gourmet Jelly Beans

Ok this is a secret that the government probably don't want you to know. Asda have an own brand of gourmet jelly beans and they are pretty bloody good. The cola flavour is fantastic, the pear flavour is fantastic and all round they taste pretty sensational. The next best bit is they are cheap, like very cheap. About a pound. Jesus man keep it cool. The only downside is I don't think they are made in a magical kingdom by elves like most jelly beans, they're probably made by robots in a factory and because of that they don't have a flavour guide on the packet.

That's probably the one downside of these, the lack of a flavour guide and maybe the lack of a Dr.Pepper or Bubblegum flavoured jelly bean but as we all know that would mean a Dr.Thunder flavoured jelly bean and that's just confusing.

Highly recommended!

SEAL OF APPROVAL

Ain't Nuttin but A G(fruit) Ting Baby :-Ting Grapefruit Soda

Grapefruits. The evilest of all the fruits, not grape not fruit but somehow named after both. It's face melting bitterness if the bane of my life and how people can drink unsweetened grapefruit juice I'll never know.

So what I'm learning is in the Caribbean they like sugar. A lot. So much so infact that they said GRAPEFRUIT MON YOUR TYRANNY IS AT AN END MON and they tried to murder it with sugar and sell it in a can.

This is sweet and you pay for it, it racks in at 50cals per 100ml. Which is high. What you get for that is something that still tastes a little like grapefruit but rehabilitated grapefruit, ones who have a place in our society now.

Yeah it tastes a bit like Lilt and yeah it tastes a bit like Levi Roots Crush and it's somewhere in the middle there. That kind of sums it up. It's not a hot ticket but it certainly doesn't taste bad. If you are a fiend for either of those drinks give it a go. If you hate grapefruit then drink this as it might encourage more people to cover them in sugar. Or better yet encourage the GM farmers to finally sort that shit out

Cadburys Magic Elves

Cadburys Magic Elves

Everybody should know two things in life: 1. That Badger loves mashed potato and 2. Christmas officially begins at one minute past midnight on Halloween night, therefore its officially Christmas right now.

So to celebrate the start of the festive season I’m going to take some time over the next few weeks to review some of the Christmas swag hitting the shelves and everybody knows that Christmas and swag go together very well.

Here are some other pairings that go well together
Chicken and Broccoli
Frank Crank and kicking people's heads off
Mountain Dew and video games

So far so good, now by way of contrast here is a list of things that don't go together well
Michael Jackson and kids
Frank Crank and the Chinese synthetic
Popping candy and chocolate

Yes popping candy and chocolate, which is unfortunately what we have here. Cadbury’s Magic Elves are small milk chocolate bars (similar to a Taz or Freddo) with popping candy inside, dirty stinking popping candy.

Popping candy to me is nothing but a gimmick from the 70s that has been trying to crawl its way back into the mainstream ever since its glory days ended. Sure its fun once or twice on its own but its not a flavour you'll go rushing back to (unless you’re Peter Kay he loves old stuff him). Everyone laments it and wants it to return from the past but there's a reason it never made it out of the 70s, it's not nice. Plus it's a health and safety nightmare, mix a mouth full of that with a swig of coke and your head explodes, it's true it happened to my mate’s cousin.

So to actually use this in a chocolate bar just baffles me. Chocolate is meant to be a smooth experience not fizzy, so what you end up with in this bar are two polar opposite flavours and experiences bouncing of each other refusing to mix.

What's worse is this isn't even an original idea other companies have put popping candy in chocolate bars before. Don't remember them? Exactly! They were rubbish and have all disappeared without a trace.

Now these bars have been popping up (pun not intended, actually it was intended) the last few Christmases so you'd think they must be selling well but to be honest slap an elf on anything this time of year and it's going to sell especially when you factor in their bargain pricing and character driven 'collect em all' packaging.

So get them if you like perfectly decent Cadburys milk chocolate being ruined by tiny chemical explosions in your mouth, but I'm going to stick to Taz bars (caramel Freddo my arse).

Tymbark Apple and Mint

Right so the lack of mint based soft drinks has always kind of peturbed me. I don't get it, I know there's something there that could work right but it's not going to be easy. That's why I was delighted to see the following concoction this week.

An Apple and Mint drink from Tymbark
It's got track record from a long standing polish company and on the back there was indication of a distributor in America. I'm not going to lie but I was quietly confident I was onto something special here

The bottle cap is also a bit incredible. It's a mix of a ring pull and a bottle cap. It made me feel like a god of sorts of possibly even a bit like Ray Romano from Everybody Loves Raymond.

With the lid off I took a big gulp. OHH GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!! The stillness of the drink and possibly the strength of the apple juice just washes out the mint completely and you're left with a really odd in between nothing type flavour.

It's worse than that. It tastes like you've just used mouthwash then drunk some apple juice. Seriously. This is upsetting and has put back Mint flavoured soft drink relations back years :(

Back to the drawing board

(Sort of)Gone but Not Forgotten : Wispa Gold

Hello I have received communication from Fizzy G and in it he talks about one of his most loved but sadly departed snacks. The odd thing being it's back in the shops at the minute. It's the Nick Cotton of the snack world. Dissapears for years on end only to come back for increasingly brief periods of time. This is an ode to Wispa Gold and how his love for it is eternal...

Interesting take on Sex Ed there from Wispa Gold with messages of encouragement to first timers

 Looooooove Goooooooold
Like Mr. T before me, I love Gold.
Like 'Funnyman' Peter 'hey mum do you remember old things' Kay I love old things, and what do you get when you combine old things with gold things? THE GOLDEN GIRLS! but also WISPA GOLD

A few weeks ago P-Walk asked me to nominate a long gone favourite confectionary item of mine that I wanted to see return from the past for the #Bringback feature on the site. Wispa Gold was my number one choice, sorry Secret bar but I looooooove goooooold. Now suddenly they’re back! So either PWalk has magic ninja powers or that demon I met at six road ends really did give me 3 wishes).

Gold was always one of my favourite chocolate bars, and what's not to like? Wispas are already pretty awesome but these have added GOOOOOOLD, and who doesnt loooooove gooooold?(I loooove gooooold) They were last available in 2003 it has been a long 8 years without them (bar a temporary comeback in 2009 which somehow I missed completely) and during this time nothing has really stepped in to full the golden void.

By way of illustrating how much I love Wispa Gold here is a true story; I was once mugged by a gang of well… muggers and the only thing I had on me was a Wispa Gold I had just spent my only change on. Not fancying a shanking for a chocolate bar, even one as tasty as a Wispa Gold, I reluctantly gave it up. This was a loss that haunted me deeply, I agonized over my missing bar and couldn’t sleep properly for weeks. Then one day I was afforded an opportunity to exact revenge when I saw one of my muggers on a golf course and hit him round the head with a golf flag (neither of us had clubs) (thank god) (can't remember why either of us were on a golf course) (the point is I loooooove goooooooooooooooooold).

So as you can see Wispa Gold bring out a strong reaction in me and you don't want to steal my gold. I looooove gooooold so much I even liked them when they were advertised by real life super villains Ant and Dec.

Anyway I digress they're back for the Olympics, hopefully permanent, taste great, perfect balance of bubbly chocolate and caramel yadda yadda just buy one because you'll LOOOOOOOVE GOOOOOOOLD.

I hate gold bars though.



We're going to have to talk about his attitude towards Gold Bars though as that shits not on.

Frugo DragonFruit/Pitahaya

Todays review is of a polish non-carbonated fruit juice based drink. Tescos seem to be throwing their considerable weight behind it at the minute with it having pride of place at the end of an aisle and an eye catching price point (JUST 33P for a 250ml bottle)

My eye was instantly caught by the DragonFruit flavour (called Pitahya in Poland seemingly) and I snagged a bottle to consume at my lesuire.

The drink itself is a blend of  grape,lemon,blackcurrant, cherry and Dragonfruit WITH ADDED SUGAR so it's going to be packing a hell of a punch. What I wasnt expecting was for there to be a genuine dragon fruit taste to it, normally the dragon fruits you get here are a bit dull probably due to the long flights etc etc but you can get, although it is subtle, a real taste here.

That mixed with the grape and lemon is fantastic but fantastically sweet. The Cherry and Blackcurrant do come through but they are the backing singers to the other flavours for me. I'm glad it's only a 250ml bottle as it's super sweet (although still sitting around that 40kcalper100mill barrier) but it's a really nice alternative to snapple and at this price a hell of a lot cheaper.

Try it while it's cheap

FIZZNESS SEAL OF APPROVAL

Gone but not forgotten : Pizza Pringles

Dearly Beloved,

We are congregated here to talk about a wonderous memeber of our extended family who is no longer with us. Depite the bold promises from all the leading experts its turns out that once you pop you do eventually stop :(

Don't cry, the moustache twirling pizza pringle man wouldn't want you to remember him with sadness but with fondness for the strongest flavour of crisps ever. So strong it was good that no girls wanted to talk to me. The tube was Italian flag themed with a semi-racist version of the Pizza Pringle man looking like a pizza chef.

Right let's keep this real I did a review of Pizzas flavoured pomm bears and it's done alright in terms of hits, no suprise there bitches be crazy for pomm bears right? Wrong. It went crazy because of Pizza Pringles.

I'm going to give you a guess as to which area seems to have the most interest in Pizza Pringles?

ITALY.

Yep the birthplace of Pizza wants Pizza Pringles, they love Pizza Pringles. We live in the future guys we should have our Pizza in crisp flavour.

Pizza Pringles are like Colour TV, Sliced Bread or Crotchless pants. It makes sense. it feels good and it shouldn't be against the law to be rocking them in a public park.

Yeah the flavour was bold and over powering but fuck it I would rather that than the new limited edition 'Fois Gras and Blueberry Compote' or 'Salmon Sashimi' or whatver the current 'Gourment' flavour is. I want Pringles to have real flavours again. I want them to go at the flavours people truely love and enjoy.

I know that Pringles had a Chip and Ketchup flavour out recently promoting classic takeaway flavours, this is our window back in. I hear there's a classic Margherita flavour but nah let's go hard on this give us a limited edition run of the old Pizza Pringles again and I will give you my money.


Do you miss Pizza Pringles or another snack? Leave us a comment below and let us know